


Mono at Starfleet Academy

by orphan_account



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: In the style of a news report, Inspired By Tumblr, Mono - Freeform, Multi, Starfleet Academy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-12
Updated: 2017-05-12
Packaged: 2018-10-31 00:48:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 703
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10888410
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: In the Federation Tonight, affectionately known as Federation Tonight, reports about a case of mono that spread rampantly across Starfleet Academy.





	Mono at Starfleet Academy

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own Star Trek...this is probably a good thing.

“-We will be keeping an eye on the Jeffers-McClain case,” News reporter Karoline Dimeson said before looking down at her papers.

“In other news,” her partner Louis Mathers said, “Starfleet Academy is on lock down quarantine until further notice as Starfleet medical tries to contain a rampant case of mono that a student brought to the military college after Spring Break. Mono is one of the few diseases, like the common cold, that modern medicine just can’t cure immediately. An estimate 83% of students able to contract mono is said to be suffering from the disease. The only students exempt from the lock down are those from species known not to contract or carry the disease. This means Andorian students, known carriers, are not allowed to leave as well.”

“In a fascinating turn of events,” Karoline said picking up where her partner left off, “Vulcans have officially been determined as contractors and carriers as, of the five Vulcan students, three of them contracted mono along with the Vulcan-Human Hybrid Commander Spock. Other notable persons to contract the kissing disease are Lacy and Mary Compton, the twin heirs of Compton Pharmaceuticals and James Kirk, son of deceased Federation Hero George Kirk.”

Louis continued, “Several Starfleet instructors and officers are being reported for fraternization until they can prove that they contracted mono from means other than the students under their care. The only instructor exempt from this is Commander Spock as he gained Admiralty consent before engaging in his current relationship. Those currently under investigation are Admiral Kormac and Professors Gage Hamill and Natalie Kester.”

“The school,” said Karoline, “has released several trails of the disease, as there are many gaps they have yet to fill. They say “There are more strands we are following but these are the only one’s students gave permission to publish. One of the unpublished strands is the longest recorded from the school, so far, that includes 74 students, including one of the Vulcan cadets, a Trill student and three Andorian carriers.”

Louis picked up the conversation with, “Commander Spock’s trail was released, it ended with him but he contracted it from his girlfriend, unnamed, who contracted it from her roommate, an Orion cadet named Gaila, from sharing lipstick. Cadet Gaila was reported to have contracted the disease from 8 possible sources, however it was determined to be from cadet Gary Mitchell who seemed to show symptoms first. Only one of the eight Gaila shared kisses with has not contracted the virus.”

“James Kirk’s trail almost ended with Captain Christopher Pike under investigation,” Karoline started, “before it was determined that Captain Pike got mono from Kirk from drinking after the cadet. Pike and Kirk apparently go jogging together on Saturday mornings. Reportedly, Pike ran out of water and drank after Kirk. Kirk says, “There’s no doubt where I got it from. My boyfriend gave it to me”. Doctor Leonard McCoy, Kirk’s boyfriend, contracted the disease unknowingly during his hospital shift.”

“Apparently, a disgruntled patient broke into the staff lounge and spit in the food and drinks of the doctors and nurses. Cadet Amos Simmons will be expelled once the quarantine is lifted,” Louis said with a shake of his head.

Karoline fished off Kirk’s mono tail with, “On the other side of this mono trail, is some slightly good news as while Captain Pike infected his wife Captain Leigh “Number One” Hudec, he thankfully did not infect his husband Surgeon General Philip Boyce.”

“Starfleet is hoping to lift the quarantine soon and get the students home. Admiral Archer released this statement about the situation, “My job is apparently to baby-sit the admirals who got mono and I’ve already told them that if they give it to me I’m pushing them out a window. I’m too old to be getting a teenager’s disease.” Admiral Barnett, the current Dean of the School, said “Starfleet medical is working non-stop to cure this epidemic. With several of our brightest minds bedridden thanks to former cadet, Amos Simmons, progress has slowed but is still moving quickly.” We can only hope this situation is cleared up soon. I’m Louis Mathers.”

“and I’m Karoline Dimeson. This has been "In the Federation Tonight". Goodnight everyone and stay safe.”

**Author's Note:**

> I will be completely honest this was not what I planned to post today but I had a dream, like word for word this is my dream, after seeing a tumblr post about Bones getting mono from sharing his flask on the transport with Jim.


End file.
